ill perfect myself for you
by mcflybustedsonofdork
Summary: Dougie thinks he's fat but what happens when he overheard a conversation that confirms his suspicions, never mind the band thinking, what about member he loves. Rated M just in case Warning bulimia, anorexia.
1. Chapter 1

**Bandhouse living room**:

Me and the guys were talking about what we'd be rated against each other on certain things after about 10 minutes of danny telling us about that time he got an A in P.E. so he obviously wasn't the stupidest we got to the subject of looks,

Tom spoke up first in saying his opinion 'I think it would be danny, harry, dougie then me'

'Oh dry your eyes tom next you'll be telling us about how many girls have turned you down and how fat you are' Harry mocked

'I'm probably the fattest' danny butted in

Dougie hated the subject because he knew he was bigger than danny but he didn't want to say it unless they agreed and confirmed his thoughts

'E...em im going to the toilet' dougie said suspiciously and ran out and closed the door

'He was in a rush' danny noticed

'No wonder, he drank all the Pepsi' Harry moaned

'Maybe the subject was making him uncomfortable' tom decided it was his turn to speak

'Naw mate dougie ain't fat, he's lost that zombie look since the beginning but he's not obese like' danny said

'Yeah he's got a bit of a belly on him but who doesn't' Harry agreed

'Suppose he's to laid back to worry about putting on weight' tom decided

Little did they know dougie hadn't needed the toilet, he wanted to know their real thoughts and now he was right, the guys, the only people whos opinions mattered to him, thought he was fat! Actions had to be taken.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry the first chapter was so bad, decided I owed yous another**

Dougies pov

I've been starring in the mirror for 10 minutes now the guys probably know I'm not at the toilet. Pulling off my top I broke down into tears, I disgusted myself, I couldn't just start changing my whole unhealthy lifestyle, I wanted to have fun but I was starting to look like what I was eating...was there a way I could eat what I wanted but not put on weight? What was I saying!? Of _course_ there wasn't so I decided I'd better get downstairs before the guys grew even more suspicious. Before reaching the top of the stairs I stopped just staring straight ahead, looking into our bathroom with a puzzled face. Why had I stopped? What was so significant about the bathroom? Then it dawned on me.

_nononononononononononononononononononononononononononononono _

there was one way I could eat what I want and not have to worry about my weight, I saw it in a documentary once, but was I really that strong? was I ready to give up who I am and I personality that the guys adored just to be skinny? Before I could even register the side affects I was in the bathroom, I hadn't really eaten since breakfast and I was wise enough to know that you can't be sick unless you have a full stomach, I went into panic, _I need to do this NOW_ before I start to see sense again I need to find a way to fill my stomach_ bingo_ I grabbed a glass and filled it with water from the sink and kept drinking until I felt like I was going to pop and went over to the toilet bowl and thought about a few years ago when boys in my class would make fun of girls but putting their fingers down their throat and decided that was the route I was going to take, then thinking back to one of my female friends from my childhood who was bulimic and my head filled with tips she'd given me but I never pondered on till now, I can think of the list now.

_'drink a lot of water to make you feel full' check. 'Push on your stomach' 'make your head lower than your legs so the food is travelling downhill-' _what next, I know there's something I'm missing? OF COURSE by this time she was puking her guts out, I guess it's not or never. Once I've done all the correct steps I get my hand and slowly open my mouth, everything's going in slow motion and I close my eyes. Once my hand reaches the back of my throat I feel around for a bit, not really sure what's going to happen next but soon I feel something rising up my throat, stinging my tastebuds and making my eyes water, soon all the water I've previously drank comes pouring out along with bits of the breakfast I had this morning. Sooner than expected its over, it's strange as I don't feel different, I had the idea that I'd be a completely different person afterwards but im still me! I allow a simile to creep onto my face with pride that I was now beginning to take over my life, but I had a nasty nagging thought in my head that this was only going to get worse...a LOT worse.

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	3. Chapter 3

Dougies pov 1 week has gone by since I first made myself sick and since then I haven't kept a meal down, I suppose by now I should be having my regrets and depression but so far all I've had was the occasional fluttering thought that reminds me that im not normal anymore, I'm not the guy that goes out for dinner, or orders a pizza or takes a guy out for coffee. that starts up another subject, recently my feelings for danny have been heightened, he was asking me what diet I was on and I had to stop myself from crying as my stomach erupted with butterflies. There's just something about them eyes and the way he speaks and thinks that makes me stop breathing around him and im not so sure anymore but I think I'm IN love with him. I shouldn't be feeling this especially now as this disorder is taking up my entire life as I spend most of my time in the kitchen mesmerising food labels and counting calories and drinking so much water I pass out. The thing that bugs me is that no one has noticed, I go to the bathroom after every meal and always tell them I've already ate and they just continue with whatever but im not sure if im happy or sad, I suppose I should be happy because they don't expect me to be hungry all the time and now they sometimes dont even ask me if I'm hungry because they know the answer, I suppose the word is relieved because they don't suspect a thing. I guess I have been down in the dumps but that's to be expected, I don't talk as much and prefer my own company, I get to self conscious around the guys and what I haven't noticed until now but we ALWAYS eat, it's like our lives revolve around nothing else but eating and it makes me want to be sick -literally- 


End file.
